[00:00:02] Welcome to the Business Miracles podcast. I'm Heather Dominick, founder of www.businessmiracles.com and author of the book Different The Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution, found at www.differentthebook.com. Since 2010, I've been training Highly Sensitive Entrepreneurs and Leaders from around the globe to work less while making more impact and income by doing things differently. I'm so glad you joined me. Listen in and get ready. Get ready for a shift in the way you view yourself, your work, your life. A business miracle.
[00:00:39] This is a course in Business Miracles podcast episode 194 The HSP Business Power of Both/And. In this episode, I talk about the common tendency for highly sensitives to fall into either/or thinking, and how this is often the result of our lifelong experience of feeling othered and misunderstood. I explained that this pattern of thought that most often is not based on facts is an opportunity for us to develop high functioning HSP skills based on our HSP strengths so we can shift into the both/and approach. I share three steps to support you in making this shift and empowering yourself and others to operate from this approach, all so that you can be of highest service not only to yourself but to others and for the overall betterment of the world. Let's get ready to make a shift into your next level of business and leadership success.
[00:01:43] Our focus today is on the power of the both/and approach. All or nothing versus both/and. So all or nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that involves viewing the world as a binary. A cognitive distortion is a pattern of thoughts that most often is not based on facts, cognitive distortion, pattern of thoughts, not based on facts. Typically all or nothing thinking through that cognitive distortion as you seeing your world more negatively than it really is.
The all or nothing distortion involves perceiving the world as a binary, which means a pair of opposites, also known as polarized dichotomized or black and white thinking. It is the tendency to see things as either/or. Either/or thinking is often also linked to negative thinking, anxiety and a low mood. So why is either/or typically a common trait tendencies for HSPs? Well, according to the Psych Ed Journal, all or nothing thinking has been associated with symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. It's that last one that we specifically want to look at in connection to our HSP traits and characteristics. Post-traumatic stress disorder. So often HSPs experience these symptoms as a part of years of denying and or being denied one's HSP Essential Self experience. Meaning being that HSPs are only 20% of the world population, many of us grew up or have had close to lifelong experiences of feeling othered, being misunderstood and not being taught or trained how to work with our nervous system when it comes to processing a world that tends to be pretty stimulating. That denial or miss an opportunity for teaching and training is referred to as socialized trauma.
The good news is we are all here with this shared intent and purpose of retraining, developing high functioning HSP skills based on our shared HSP strengths and empowering ourselves and each other to operate from this strength skillset, in service not only to ourselves but others and the overall betterment of the world. Being in this community with that intent is a healing of that PTSD, if one tends to resonate with that experience. So with that good news in mind, how do we shift out of that either/or default tendency into the conscious choice of both/and, the power of the both/and approach? Three steps.
One, mastering metacognition through energy management. Now, metacognition refers to intentionally noticing automatic patterns of thought. It is the awareness step of the AUK process. AUK being awareness, understanding and knowing. So metacognition is the noticing, the awareness of automatic patterns of thought and being willing to question out of curiosity, those automatic patterns of thought rather than immediately just accepting those automatic patterns of thought as truth. The process of metacognition starts with an awareness of internal dialogue, storytelling and cognitive processes, which is where the energy management tools come in. EMTs and energy management tools specifically to support with that mastering of metacognition would be the Belief Transformation Tool, the Shame Transformation Tool and Scripting.
Now being that I've been serving fellow HSPs in business and leadership for over a decade now, since 2010, I have enough time under my belt and practicum research to confidently say that it's very fascinating that the belief transformation tool tends to be kind of like the black sheep of the energy management tools. We tend to favor the Order Form to the Universe, Autowriting and Scripting, and then it's like, ugh, yeah, that BTT. The BTT sitting over in the corner, sad, “Come use me, come use me.” But what's really fascinating is again, with the understanding of metacognition, it is the tool that is most directly going to support with the shift of those automatic patterns of thought, which just highlights in the process of retraining when it comes to really diving into that real work to truly change our thought patterns, shift perception, experience a business miracle, we tend to hold on to our defenses.
Those shadows of overprotection, over responsibility and even the overwhelm, though they're not serving us, can feel super, super comfortable. As always, it's a personal choice. Yet if we are interested in shifting out of that either or thinking, if we are interested in alleviating anxiety and depression and PTSD associated with our HSP experience, then it is those energy management tools like the Belief Transformation Tool, the Shame Transformation Tool and Scripting.
Step number two is exploring yes and by flipping the switch. Yes, and. This is where I'm harking on my drama teaching days and specifically the power of improvisation, which if one has never had the experience of teaching improv to high school students, if you want to talk about challenging metacognition, teach improv to high school students. The key for improv is to say yes and to whatever is offered up. So you're in a scene, you have a scene partner in an improvisational scene, and whatever ever your scene partner says, your role is to say yes.
And how does that translate into the shifting between either/or thinking and the both/and approach? By saying yes, and versus no, absolutely not. It supports us in being able to enter into that metacognition. It also addresses that you don't need to deny your initial either/or instinct. It's not wrong to have either/or thinking. It's simply a choice of retraining the instinctual reaction by exploring yes, and with flipping the switch, you instead acknowledge the initial either/or. Oh, isn't that interesting? And then you choose yes, and by looking for the flip. If I'm not going to see this as either/or and I'll say yes and to the both/and approach, what would that look like? What would that sound like?
Just that process there begins to challenge the neural pathways that again want to absolutely insist that the either/or is the only way, that is the truth with a capital T. Bringing it back to improvisation and with high school students and your scene partner says, “Hey, great to see you Mrs. Goldfish. Isn't it great swimming in the Atlantic underneath a Russian submarine?” and your brain is screaming, “I'm not a goldfish, and I'm not going to swim under a submarine, and I'm definitely not going to swim under one that's Russian.” and yet, there you are and your role is to say, “Yes, I am Mrs. Goldfish and I am swimming under this submarine, and yes, it is Russian, and what are we going to create from here?”
Step three, receive support. Another aspect of teaching improv to high school students is giving the option to the improv players to ask the audience for support. Kind of like a lifeline. So, if a student was really stuck in an improv scene and I just couldn't access a creative idea of how to keep the scene moving forward, they would have a certain amount of times where they could say, I'm calling for audience support, and somebody from the audience would yell out an option.
Why would you try to go through something so significant like shifting from either/or thinking to the both/and approach all alone? If you can't see the both/and, ask what someone else can see. Also a weekly Order Form to the Universe to absolutely support you with proactively being ahead of that either/or thinking tendency. Could just be an Order Form to the Universe on both/and approach for the week. Now the both/and approach really is so incredibly powerful in all aspects of HSP business leadership and life, but definitely when it comes to those of you who are working with 12 month goals and 90 day benchmarks, and particularly how HSPs tend to have an aversion from when it comes to goals, right? Like an HSP hears the word goals and they start to break out in hives or hyperventilate or distract themselves like, I really need to go read a mystery novel right now, or I think something's good on Netflix.
Yet you can use the both/and approach when it comes to 12 month goals and 90 day benchmarks rather than the HSP aversion to goals, typically based on past experience of setting goals that are misaligned, setting goals that are actually someone else's goals, and then not being supported in how to take the HSP approach to meeting and achieving and creating those goals, and then feeling like a failure and having further evidence of why this whole business life thing as an HSP won't work for me. Rather than that, using the both hand approach to connecting with one's heart and intuition, set that 12 month goal set 90 day benchmarks and be in process along the way making choices of like, oh yes, I thought that 90 day benchmark would work for these 90 days, but now that I've gone through those 90 days I am assessing and I see I'm going to tweak that a little bit and that's going to help me shift and change my next 90 day benchmark all still in support of that 12 month goal. Rather than either I do it exactly as it was instructed and said to have that goal complete or I give up and go read a mystery novel. And that's how you're then in the process of creating and achieving those outer goals from the energy of inner goal of operating from your HSP strengths.
Our theme is clear heart and inspired mind, and it is earned not given. Everyone loves the idea of a clear heart and inspired mind. Yes, please supersize mind. Thank you so much. Yet we're not at a McDonald's counter. Clear heart and inspired mind is earned and how is it earned? Through mastering the both/and approach. And those steps, mastering metacognition, exploring yes, and by flipping the switch, and being willing to receive support. And as you go through that, then the anxiety and the depression and the PTSD that is associated through proven research connected to that either/or thinking tendency begins to alleviate. What happens when anxiety alleviates? What happens when depression begins to lift? What happens when PTSD is healed through ownership? The heart becomes clear, the mind becomes inspired, creative ideas are received, inspired actions are taken and implemented, and resilience develops. And that is how you move forward towards your desires, your dreams, your purpose, and your calling, despite or in spite of any fire that is occurring, you are able to walk through and lead the way for yourself, for your family, for your friends, for your team, for your clients. Not given. Power of both/and approach.
Let's take a breath in and let it out. Beautiful.
[00:19:45] Thank you for being a part of this Business Miracles podcast episode and for beginning to dip your toe into the journey of highly sensitive leadership training. If you are ready to truly use your sensitivities as strengths in all parts of your work and life, I invite you to connect for a one on one chat. You will experience being deeply listened to and together we'll get a sense of whether the Highly Sensitive Leadership Training Programs are the best next step for you and your highly sensitive journey at this time. Just go to www.claritycall.com to schedule a conversation. We so look forward to connecting with you. Talk to you soon!
