[00:00:02] Welcome to the Business Miracles podcast. I'm Heather Dominick, founder of www.businessmiracles.com and author of the book Different The Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution, found at www.differentthebook.com. Since 2010, I've been training Highly Sensitive Entrepreneurs and Leaders from around the globe to work less while making more impact and income by doing things differently. I'm so glad you joined me. Listen in and get ready. Get ready for a shift in the way you view yourself, your work, your life. A business miracle.
[00:00:39] This is A Course in Business Miracles podcast episode 155 Releasing Perfectionism. Listen in to learn the key to flipping the switch on the highly sensitive shadow of perfectionism and the limiting beliefs and overwhelm that comes with it, as well as a step by step process that you can begin to put into practice to support you with rewiring your nervous system. Get ready to show up in the world from a place of optimal health and well being, mentally, physically and financially, and experience the positive effects in your business and all the ways you're meant to lead as a highly sensitive.
[00:01:26] Perfectionism. Write that down. According to Brown University, perfectionism refers to, "A set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors." Write that down. "A set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals." Read the second half again, "aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals." So again, according to Brown University, perfectionism refers to, "A set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals." Perfectionism is often mistakenly seen in our society and western influenced culture as desirable or even necessary for success. However, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, perfectionism may be hard wired in the nervous system. Let's definitely write that down. Perfectionism may be hardwired in the nervous system. This inborn trait appears to influence the way a person, an individual sees and processes the world. Also, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, this inborn trait is linked to anxiety and other mental health issues such as obsessive compulsive disorder, otherwise known as OCD. Common signs of perfectionism. Striving to meet excessively high unrealistic standards. The need for order and neatness. Obsessive concern over mistakes. Sensitivity to criticism. And self-criticism as an ongoing behavior.
Let's all take a breath in. And let it out. So it makes sense that this is a top 12 highly sensitive entrepreneur and leader shadow. Inborn. Connected to the nervous system. Connected to anxiety. Connected to signs or symptoms of attempt to control. Most importantly, how do we work with this highly sensitive shadow? This is a great place to remind us that your weekly training round table topics, such as this one on perfectionism, is to be used as a how you are meant to execute and take action on your leadership track trainings. So we look at the highly sensitive shadow trait of perfectionism all to support being able to more easily execute and take action on what you receive in your leadership track trainings. Or any actions, in your marketing, your selling, your business, your career, your life.
So how do we work with the highly sensitive shadow of perfectionism? First of all, we recognize perfectionism is part of either/or thinking. Please write that down. Perfectionism is part of either/or thinking.
If you missed last week's weekly training round table on either/or versus both/and mindset, you want to go back and you want to listen to that training. It will support you in being able to receive more from this training.
We recognize that perfectionism as part of either/or thinking leads us to the same steps that we take to support ourselves in shifting from either/or thinking into a both/and mindset. Those steps being one, the AUK process, AUK, remembering that transformation begins with awareness. So in the same way we spoke about in the either/or versus both/and mindset training, that awareness is that first step. The same applies to perfectionism, just beginning to recognize, "Oh my gosh, I'm in either/or thinking. Oh my gosh, this is probably contributing to an act of perfectionism." Or getting caught in the act of perfectionism. Second step, we then look to neutralize that energy. Same step again, to shift from either/or to both/and. It's catching the perfectionism before it has the opportunity to go into procrastination or into self-judgment. And so we neutralize the energy, we diffuse any meaning the ego mind, the fear-based mind might try to give to catching yourself in the act of perfectionism.
As a reminder again from last week's weekly training round table and from previous trainings, we neutralize with hand on heart. Bringing it six to eight inches out in front of the heart chest area. Moving the hand into a vertical position. And using it almost as if it is a meter. Finding that sweet spot where it feels completely centered. We then give the nervous system a command, correct, neutral, now. Giving us access to then step three, which is to flip the switch. Again in the either/or versus both/and mindset training we talked about and went through some specific examples around how to flip the switch from either/or to both/and. By accessing both/and we begin to release ourselves from perfectionism. Please write that down. By accessing both/and we begin to release ourselves from the grip of perfectionism. It is the act of retraining the nervous system. As we speak about in all of our weekly training round table topics and all of our leadership track trainings, the work that we do here in the highly sensitive leadership training program is a retraining of the nervous system that includes inborn traits such as perfectionism.
How else do we work with perfectionism? We recognize that perfectionism can be triggered by comparison. Please write that down. Perfectionism can be triggered by comparison. So to support ourselves in unhooking that hook, releasing ourselves from the trigger perfectionism, we turn to the teachings and the trainings. You can do that in regards to comparison by accessing page 68 in the book Different: The Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution. Page 68, write that down. You can also turn to the track training in your online learning center, revisiting the comparison chart. Remembering as part of that training comparison is both with self, past and future just as much as it is comparison with others.
From there, we recognize that perfectionism is the opposite of accepting the challenge. Write that down. Perfectionism is the opposite of accepting the challenge. So again, to support ourselves and that remembering, we turn to the book, Different, chapter one, page one. Write that down. We also turn to the book, Different, and the let go, let in chart and teaching found on page 115. Write that down.
And ultimately we also recognize that perfectionism, again, is hard wired. So we deeply commit to rewiring, or again, retraining of the nervous system. How do you do that? The retraining of a hardwired trait within the nervous system absolutely takes commitment to re-return and re-return again and re-return again. So we re-return and we re-return and we re-return. This commitment to the process of rewiring and retraining. The commitment alone reduces the highly sensitive shadow of overwhelm. Please write that down.
Perfectionism as an act of either/or thinking sets us up for the limiting belief of do or die, which automatically leads to overwhelm through a sense of self-generated pressure. Versus when you set yourself up with a schedule, such as commitment to attending these weekly training round tables consistently, there then is a container that begins to form, and the nervous system begins to relax. That either/or thinking that says, "I have to do it all now," starts to relax with the understanding, as part of the AUK process, AUK, "Oh, there's a container of safety here. I am in process." And then again, the nervous system relaxes, begins to loosen the grip on either/or thinking, begins to loosen the grip on perfectionism and then begins to loosen the grip on the habit of overwhelm.
All of this gives us greater access to the highly sensitive strength of empathy. Please write that down. The highly sensitive strength of empathy. It is nearly impossible to both be in perfectionistic thinking and behaving, and also in a space of empathetic thinking and behaving. Why is it important for us as highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders to have access to our strength of empathy? Well, that author and researcher, Daniel Pink says it best. He says, "Leadership is about empathy. It's about having the ability to relate and to connect with people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives." One more time, "Leadership is about empathy. It's about having the ability to relate and to connect with people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives." That equals highly sensitive entrepreneur and leader financial success.
Together, breath in. And let it out. Remembering that the power of the breath calms the nervous system. Change a thought pattern by changing a breath pattern. So together again, breath in. And let it out. One more time for the power of three, strong solid breath. Breath in. And let it out. Beautiful.
It is that connection to anxiety which is what really highlights how unhealthy perfectionism is. And society seeing perfectionism as desirable or even necessary for success speaks to the difference between those of us who are highly sensitive and those who are not. And the striving for high quality, especially for someone who is not highly sensitive, is not going to have the impact, the physiological impact on the nervous system that it will for those of us who hold perfectionism as that inborn trait.
We can't both be in perfectionism and have access to empathy. Because perfectionism is connected to judgment, it is judgment of self, and it is judgment of others. And then that literally makes empathy impossible. You can't be in both at the same time.
In order to have empathy for others, we must develop the strength of having empathy for self. And again, you can't both be I perfectionism and have empathy for self. To support any kind of success that you are looking to create, especially financial success in any regard for us as highly sensitives does require that strength of empathy as an act of leadership.
[00:17:05] Thank you for being a part of this Business Miracles podcast episode and for beginning to dip your toe into the journey of highly sensitive leadership training. If you are ready to truly use your sensitivities as strengths in all parts of your work and life, I invite you to connect for a one on one chat. You will experience being deeply listened to and together we'll get a sense of whether the Highly Sensitive Leadership Training Programs are the best next step for you and your highly sensitive journey at this time. Just go to www.claritycall.com to schedule a conversation. We so look forward to connecting with you. Talk to you soon!
