[00:00:02] Welcome to the Business Miracles podcast. I'm Heather Dominick, founder of www.businessmiracles.com and author of the book Different The Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution, found at www.differentthebook.com. Since 2010, I've been training Highly Sensitive Entrepreneurs and Leaders from around the globe to work less while making more impact and income by doing things differently. I'm so glad you joined me. Listen in and get ready. Get ready for a shift in the way you view yourself, your work, your life. A business miracle.
[00:00:39] This is A Course in Business Miracles podcast Episode 196 Assumption of Positive Intent in Business Relationships. In this episode, I discuss the topic of assumption of positive intent, sharing more on what it is and why it's so important for us to be in practice with this skill in all of our relationships as HSP's, but especially in business relationships, I talk about why we struggle with this skill and what we can do about it. I outline for you five steps that you can take to assume positive intent. Where this can especially come in handy for us as highly sensitives in business and leadership is networking, sales conversations, team hiring, team delegation, and any old difficult conversation. Research shows that adopting this positive mindset can help reduce misunderstanding and conflict with others and overall lead to a happier, more harmonious life. I would also add experience, less effort and then therefore more impact and more income. Now that is highly sensitive leadership. So let's dive in.
[00:02:03] We are here together to focus on the topic today of assumption of positive intent.
So let's start with a definition. So according to executivecoachingnetwork.com, “Assuming positive intent means acting under the assumption that the person with whom you are meeting or who you are with is trustworthy, is a team player and that they share your desire for the best possible outcome. Assumption of positive intent also means that you act as if act others are going to behave in an effective and positive way.”
From believeinmind.com, “To assume positive intent means giving people the benefit of the doubt and believing they mean well. The use of assumption of positive intent is an optimistic mindset. Research shows this can help reduce misunderstandings and conflict when in connection and relationship with others and overall can also lead to a happier, more harmonious life.”
Where this can come in handy for us as HSPs in business and leadership - networking, sales conversations, team hiring, team delegation, any difficult conversation.
Positive intent allows for empathetic, understanding, empowering, service as a leader. That would be my adjustment, happy and confident. Poor intent lends to cynical, suspicion, micromanagement, dictator energy as leader, anger and insecurity. Why would we struggle as HSPs with assumption of positive intent. First and foremost, assumption of positive intent is the opposite of the HSP shadow of judgment of others.
Assumption of positive intent is also the opposite of our HSP shadow of judgment of self and tendency to be self-critical. Assumption of positive intent also lends towards releasing the HSP tendency toward the shadow of overprotection. With these shadows in mind - judgment of others, judgment of self, overprotection - it then makes sense to dot connect that we would struggle as HSPs potentially with assumption of positive intent because each of us has a set of beliefs, perspectives and experiences that shape how we see everything including interactions with other people.
For us as HSPs, when we are untrained those beliefs and those perspectives and those experiences tend to be informed by our HSP shadow behavior tendencies, that then makes it very difficult for us as HSPs to assume positive intent in relationships. I know that when I first started really leaning into assumption of positive intent, it felt like my brain, my head brain actually hurt. It was such a mismatch to how I had literally ingrained habitual behavior, all to protect and to attempt to keep safe.
And so here's where we go back to the research from believeinmind.com, which is that, “assumption of positive intent lends to an optimistic mindset that can help reduce misunderstandings and conflict and most importantly, to happier, more harmonious life.”
So what are some steps that we can take as HSPs in business and leadership to assume positive intent? We'll cover five steps.
Step number one, practice looking for the good. Make a game and a habit of noticing kind gestures and interpreting ambiguous actions positively. For myself, I would write it down, most likely me, I would track it in my phone note app. When you do, it literally starts to kind of blow the mind of like, “Oh, look at all of these kind gestures that were actually received throughout the day.” and, “Oh, look at all these ambiguous actions where I could notice that without this intentional core practice of tracking, I could likely interpret those ambiguous actions negatively.” And I don't know, myself, I love a game, right? So emojis, stickers other things to make it fun, happy. Practice looking for the good.
Step one leads us to step two, which is to give others grace. Remembering that everyone makes mistakes and extend the same courtesy to others that ideally you would love to receive for yourself.
Number three. Now, this is a tricky one for us HSPs. Number three, question your gut reaction, especially when you find yourself immediately frustrated or defensive. Pause and write down your initial reaction. Me, I'd keep it all in the same note in my phone note app. Now again, that's a tricky one for us HSPs, but oh my gosh, can it be so valuable! And here's why, because this number three step helps us as HSPs to strengthen our HSP strength of intuition, where often I'll hear from HSPs as they're entering into training, “Oh, I can't do that because of my intuition.”
But with further inquiry and curiosity, we're able to uncover that what is being used as intuition is actually overprotection. So by questioning your gut reaction, it just allows for a teasing out - is this gut reaction based on history, or is this gut reaction truly my genuine intuitive instinct? So valuable.
Number four, breathe before you act. Take a breath before approaching a situation or someone that you're frustrated with. I know for myself, not only taking a moment to breathe, but often taking time to move helps me to be able to more clearly access first of all, intuitive guidance and then from their assumption of positive intent, versus that initial tendency towards an overprotective gut reaction.
Number five, this is probably my favorite. Practice compassionate directness. Communicate with the HSP strength of empathy rather than defaulting to the immediate HSP tendency to absorb the energy of others.
Now, step 1, 2, 3, and four will support you with that step five, to just slow the nervous system down. Again, as always, as part of highly sensitive leadership training, we are intentionally engaging in retraining the nervous system, retraining the nervous system, and its habitual tendencies. Habitual tendencies just born from years of being othered, being misunderstood, and again, feeling like we need to protect ourselves and create a sense of safety in the midst of being only 20% while the rest of the world is of the other 80%.
And again, those five steps. Look for the good, give others grace, question your gut reaction, breathe before you act and practice compassionate directness. Take a breath in and let it out. Beautiful.
[00:14:37] Thank you for being a part of this Business Miracles podcast episode and for beginning to dip your toe into the journey of highly sensitive leadership training. If you are ready to truly use your sensitivities as strengths in all parts of your work and life, I invite you to connect for a one on one chat. You will experience being deeply listened to and together we'll get a sense of whether the Highly Sensitive Leadership Training Programs are the best next step for you and your highly sensitive journey at this time. Just go to www.claritycall.com to schedule a conversation. We so look forward to connecting with you. Talk to you soon!
