[00:00:00] Welcome to the Business Miracles podcast. I'm Heather Dominick, founder of www.businessmiracles.com and author of the book Different The Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution, found at www.differentthebook.com. Since 2010, I've been training Highly Sensitive Entrepreneurs and Leaders from around the globe to work less while making more impact and income by doing things differently. I'm so glad you joined me. Listen in and get ready. Get ready for a shift in the way you view yourself, your work, your life. A business miracle.
[00:00:34] Welcome. Welcome to this special series at the Business Miracles podcast, Hatching the Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution. You'll be hearing from select highly sensitive leader authors who contributed their real stories of creating more impact and more income to my book, Different, as found at www.differentthebook.com. In today's episode, I am beyond thrilled to connect with Stephanie Bonte-Lebair. Stephanie is a professional singer, turned voice presentation and sales coach. She performed in New York City and beyond before creating her business, The Empowered Voice. She helps singers, speakers, and business professionals leverage their voices for more influence. Stephanie, welcome.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Thank you for having me, Heather.
Heather Dominick:
I always love every opportunity that you and I get to connect, and specifically every opportunity that we get to connect and dive in a little bit deeper. So I am really looking forward to our conversation today. I would love to start by just having you share what inspired you to be a contributing author to the book Different: The Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Well, I have just had such an amazing journey as a business owner and you have been such a major part of that journey, that I knew I needed to share my story and I am always willing to be your cheerleader.
Heather Dominick:
Oh my gosh, I so appreciate that and I so appreciate the story that you shared in the book. Without giving it all away, I would say a highlight for us to focus in on is the arc of the journey, the evolution that you have taken since you and I first connected. So maybe if you would be able to just give a quick synopsis for listeners about like where you were in your business when you and I first started mentoring together and where you are now.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Yes. I was a singing teacher who was overwhelmed, overworked, didn't have time for my family. I was worried about money even though I had more clients than I could handle, and I knew there had to be a different way and I just didn't know how. And what was really interesting is I had no idea I was highly sensitive. I truly believe that Angel stepped in and said, "You need to meet this person who happens to know Heather because we want you to be able to receive the support you really need to make a difference in the world."
And because of that introduction, I jumped in and didn't look back, and now my business looks completely different. I am supporting business owners with how to show up and use their voice powerfully, how to make networking connections, how to create partnerships with each other. And I'm working about three and a half hours of actual support time for my clients every month, and then maybe a dozen other hours doing support things for my business and a few hours of speaking engagements a month, compared to the 40 to 50 hours I was working every single week beforehand. It is quite the shift.
Heather Dominick:
Yes. Amazing. There's so much here to celebrate and to just really acknowledge you for in regards to just what has shifted and what has changed for you. There are two pieces that I really want to focus in on, however. The first piece is that when you and I first connected that you didn't know that you were highly sensitive. And I see this as so valuable for us to just give a little bit of attention here too, because you are an extroverted person, right?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Yes.
Heather Dominick:
You are a person who actually, unlike myself, really is fed by being in the spotlight. You literally have been a professional performer. It's something that brings you joy and that you're very, very good at. And also when we first connected, we're very much in that coping mechanism of pushing. And all of this I see as so valuable to highlight because it just really busts the myth that everyone who's highly sensitive, first of all is the same. And everyone who's highly sensitive is hiding in the closet in the back corner underneath the pile of sweaters and not ready to come out. That is not you and that's not you when we first connected. So I'm so curious if you can dial back and remember what it was that had that light bulb go off for you in regards to being highly sensitive. And then we can dive a little bit deeper from there. But do you by chance remember that moment?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Yeah, I remember the moment I was introduced to the concept of being highly sensitive and I was having a conversation with Rebecca Zuck, who's also one of your clients.
Heather Dominick:
Yes.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
And I just remember that my intuition was telling me this is important. Like energetically, I always had been able to read people's emotions and feel like I could tap into what they were feeling when they were speaking to me. And I always maybe falsely attributed it to the fact that I was so outgoing and I was willing to have conversations with anyone, and I was always out and about and trying to make connections. But really it was my highly sensitive nature of really deep listening. And because I had that skillset, I was able to really connect in and be curious about what she was talking about and then do a little more research and dive into what the heck is this, and who are you, and what is this that you've created? But I think I was just willing to listen to myself even in the throes of being in my pushing and being in my... I was in the shiny object syndrome mode for sure back then. Everything and anyone was interesting to me and I was saying yes to everything, but luckily for me, the right people were put in my path that I also was able to say yes to the things that helped me going forward.
Heather Dominick:
Fantastic. So again, we've already talked about there's so much that has shifted and changed as a result of understanding that you're highly sensitive and really learning how to use your sensitivity as strengths and really truly show up as a highly sensitive leader. But again, if we're speaking to that part of you that is extroverted, that part of you that does enjoy the spotlight, what would you say, if anything, has changed about that part of you? Or maybe even what's stayed the same about that part of you, but you experience it differently now that you understand that you're highly sensitive?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Oh yes. I remember years ago I would attend conferences where I would get on an airplane literally sick with the flu because I felt like I had to show up. I had to be there to receive whatever wonderful information was going to be shared at that conference. And now I still want to connect with people. I still want to do fun things and maybe attend cool conferences or whatever that is, but I am much better at setting boundaries around my schedule, what I am willing and not willing to do to get to things, who I am willing to show up for because it can't be everyone and everything like I used to do in the past. So I feel much more grounded about my choices, and I don't feel that guilt or anxiety or that fear of missing out that I used to feel if I didn't show up for something because I was sick or I had overscheduled myself or whatever that looks like.
Heather Dominick:
That's amazing and I remember those times. I remember those times with you. I also remember those times for myself. I really appreciate us being able to speak to this because again, busting the myth that every highly sensitive is having the exact same experience, number one. But also that you don't have to forego what brings you joy with the understanding that you're highly sensitive, but you actually get to maximize what you enjoy by learning how to work with your nervous system, including, like you said, set boundaries or use intuition to be able to determine what's a yes and what's a no, and to develop that deepened trust. Which then leads to the second part of the story synopsis that you shared at the beginning of our conversation that I want to highlight, which is that though your business has shifted form so that you are working so much less as you shared, and you're so much more in your own zone of genius and talents and highly sensitive strengths, yet you still focus on the voice, which is the heart of who you are.
So I'd love for you to speak about that a little bit because I think that really shines a light on also like, oh, I don't have to change everything because now I suddenly understand that I'm highly sensitive. But it's almost like I get to keep the good parts or what I really love and let go of the things that were driving me crazy and had me sick on airplanes. So in what way does the work that you do still speak to the value of the empowered voice?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Well, it's all about following the thread, and it's the thread of what you love to do because that thread can look like a million different things. And there's a time in my life where I didn't believe that was true. I felt like it had to look a certain way like, "I am a performance major. The only things I can do is stand on a stage and be paid to sing or teach someone else how to sing. There's really nothing else for me." And that is really a stuck mindset. And what happened in our work together over many years was I started to be able to vision the possibilities of how the voice actually shows up in your life in so many different ways, especially for business owners.
Literally the first time I went to a business networking event, I could see myself coaching them in how to show up more powerfully using their voice. And it was surprising to me. I was like, "What is this idea that has popped into my mind?" And I allowed that idea to grow and germinate and create something else and then create something else. And as long as I kept following that thread, for me, especially as an extrovert and a high sensation seeker, I love to do new things all the time. So I'm always looking for what's the next challenge? What's the next thing I can create? And by following that thread, I'm able to let that come to me and then decide if I want to pursue it.
Heather Dominick:
Amazing. Yes, absolutely. And so I also really hear you describing the value of process, which we talk about all the time in the Highly Sensitive Leadership training programs to, again, speaking of another myth, to really counteract and bust that myth that's just circulating on the internet, which is that it has to be a one-and-done, or you have to get it all together in a short amount of time, and then you can experience some success or relief. But again, what I really hear you speaking to is the value of being in the process and being able to receive through the process. It's not like we have to wait until there's a final moment to then be generating income. There's pieces that are coming into place along the way and using your language, as you said, following that thread.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Yes.
Heather Dominick:
So how would you say being willing to be in the process as you described, how is that a reflection of highly sensitive leadership versus say more the standard, traditional, or even old century definition of leadership?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Well, as a highly sensitive leader, I feel that the choice points are so key in being able to uplevel how you are showing up in your leadership role and being willing to actively pursue creativity. Versus feeling like you have to sit around until inspiration hits you, or you have to look to other people to find inspiration like, "What are they doing? Maybe that will inspire me." Whereas a highly sense of leader can actually tap in to their own heart, their own higher self, their God, their angels, whatever language works for you, and ask and say, "What is next for me? What does my heart want for me?" And then make a decision about creating a practice around that like, "Am I going to be proactive in my creativity? Am I going to be practicing the active visioning for myself so that I can decide what's next?" And I don't have to continually be looking outward for that inspiration.
Heather Dominick:
Yes, so well said. Absolutely. If you had to name one aspect of stepping into highly sensitive leadership for yourself that brings you deep satisfaction, a sense of purpose, or even just good old joy, what would one aspect of highly sensitive leadership, what would that be for you?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Busting the myth of compartmentalization.
Heather Dominick:
Ooh, say more.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
What you love to do can be a part of everything that you do. So for me, I sing at my networking meetings. I sing when I speak to business events, at conferences. I sing when I am cleaning the house, whatever it looks like, right?
Heather Dominick:
Yes.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
So it doesn't have to be like, this is the time I sing. This is the time I do my business. This is the time I sell to my prospect. That should be the next level for me, actually. My next prospect call, I'm going to sing to my prospects-
Heather Dominick:
Love that.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
... and see what happens.
Heather Dominick:
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. What would you say to someone listening who is just like deep in skepticism? They're just locked into social self, believing that financial success or even leadership is only available to the other 80%, the non highly sensitives, or maybe even stuck in a limiting belief that they have to sacrifice who they are as a highly sensitive person in order to be able to have financial success, in order to be able to have a sense of leadership. What would you say to that listening skeptic?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
I would say try to release all of the hows and the steps that you feel you need to take, and instead, focus in on your why and the clarity of what it is you really, really want. If you can focus in that sort of dreaming, visioning space, then the other pieces will start to become more evident, and they will start to bust the myths and the limiting beliefs that you have. Because if someone has said to me when I went to that first networking event, "In a few years, you're going to be leading an international networking group with people from all over the world, and you're going to be working a third of the time you work now," I would've said, "What?" That would've felt like way too much pressure. I wouldn't be able to figure that out, but I wasn't meant to. I was just meant to be open to the possibility of following the thread.
Heather Dominick:
Yes. So beautifully said. Why is the Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution important to you?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Because there are 20% of us in the world, and we want to have our voices heard too. And the more that we can step into that visibility and vulnerability and leadership position, I truly believe we can start to change the world. And we already are.
Heather Dominick:
Yes, I believe that too. You are amazing Stephanie Bonte-Lebair. As I started this conversation, I appreciate every time I get to connect with you. I'm so impressed by who you are, who continue to evolve into, and all that is still to come for you as a highly sensitive leader. Where can listeners find out more about you and the incredible impact you're making in the world?
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Yes, they can visit me at empoweryourvoice.com.
Heather Dominick:
Empoweryourvoice.com. Thank you so much for being here, for being a part of the Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution podcast series, but even more importantly for being a part of the Highly Sensitive Leadership Revolution. I so appreciate you, Stephanie.
Stephanie Bonte-Lebair:
Thank you, Heather.
Heather Dominick:
Until next time.
[00:20:32] Thank you for being a part of this Business Miracles podcast episode and for beginning to dip your toe into the journey of highly sensitive leadership training. If you are ready to truly use your sensitivities as strengths in all parts of your work and life, I invite you to connect for a one on one chat. You will experience being deeply listened to and together we'll get a sense of whether the Highly Sensitive Leadership Training Programs are the best next step for you and your highly sensitive journey at this time. Just go to www.claritycall.com to schedule a conversation. We so look forward to connecting with you. Talk to you soon!
